I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
