i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
