"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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