Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
