A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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