Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
