I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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