I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
