I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
even my farts smell like vagina
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
