Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
