she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A bitchslap is in order.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
