Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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