Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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