we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
