I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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