the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
