I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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