so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
