I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i jhust puked up my retainher.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
