she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
