He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
