He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
