I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
