He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Are my feet made of real feet?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
