I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
