i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
