I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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