R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
