She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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