Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
