after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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