He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
