Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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