How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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