38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
