Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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