i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
