Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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