I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
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The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.