so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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