I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.