New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me