Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
