My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
