Welp...herpes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
