Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.