Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
