I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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