weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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