Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.