i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...