I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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