He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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