I should be sponsored by Trojan
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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