Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(910): View more from North Carolina

another moral hangover. fuck.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.

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(352): View more from Florida

i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.

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(646): View more from New York

You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(678): View more from Georgia

just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.

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(404): View more from Georgia

It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.

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(519): View more from Ontario

When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?

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(907): View more from Alaska

I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?

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