Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
