My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
