I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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