When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
