I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
