I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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