My room smells like vodka and shame
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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