Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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