beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
