I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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