Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this boner is exhausting
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
