bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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