shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
