Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
