I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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