your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
