I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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