My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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