I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
