Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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