She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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