I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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