I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
