how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
